As a speech-language pathologist (SLP), one question I hear often from parents goes something like this: “My other kids were doing such-and-such by this time—why isn’t this child doing it?” Or maybe it’s, “My neighbor’s kid is doing X, but my child can’t yet.” This is a common concern, and it’s natural to notice these differences. However, it’s also a topic that deserves a deeper dive. Comparing one child’s development to another’s can be both inaccurate and unhelpful for truly understanding where your child is in their own journey. Instead, let’s discuss a more effective approach rooted in data, growth patterns, and individualized progress.
Looking Beyond Comparisons: Why Development Isn’t “One-Size-Fits-All”
Children develop at their own unique pace, even if they’re raised in the same environment, so comparing siblings—or a child to their peers—doesn’t provide an accurate reflection of their abilities. Developmental milestones, while they serve as broad markers, aren’t rigid timelines that every child must follow in exact order and speed. What is essential is understanding your child’s unique growth path and progress rather than focusing solely on how they compare to others.
Relying on Data and Developmental Norms
When determining if there’s a delay in development, it’s crucial to look at standard norms and hard data. Developmental norms—created from large studies of children’s growth—are not meant to be used as benchmarks for each individual child but as general guidelines. If there is a concern about your child’s development, observing their progress in relation to these norms can provide helpful insights.
This doesn’t mean immediately jumping to conclusions if your child isn’t exactly at the same milestone as their peers. Milestones exist to provide checkpoints, but what matters most is the presence of consistent growth and progress.
Taking a Big-Picture View: The Growth Curve
A helpful approach is to zoom out and assess the big picture of your child’s development. Ask yourself questions like: Have they shown recent progress toward key milestones? Is there consistent growth, even if it’s at a slower pace? By viewing development as a long-term trajectory, you can better assess your child’s progress and avoid fixating on immediate comparisons that may or may not be relevant.
If you do notice an area of concern, try breaking it down into smaller, more specific milestones. This way, you’re able to target specific skills and see achievements more clearly, no matter how small. For instance, if you’re concerned about language development, track progress by focusing on things like new words learned, sentence formation, or social interactions, rather than waiting for your child to catch up in every area all at once.
The Power of Small Wins: Celebrating Incremental Progress
Rather than focusing on where they are relative to others, look for growth. Celebrate small victories—every new sound, word, or skill acquired is a meaningful step forward. These smaller achievements are not only signs of progress but also great motivators for children, reinforcing their learning and self-confidence.
Staying Patient and Focused on Your Child’s Individual Needs
When it’s easy to look around and compare, remember that doing so doesn’t provide a real picture of your child’s growth. Instead, take the time to monitor your child’s personal progress, consult professionals when necessary, and appreciate their unique path. By focusing on individual development rather than comparison, you’ll be helping them reach their fullest potential—at their own perfect pace.